Second Guessing

I am the type of person who is very confident in myself and my abilities, but at a great cost. I am very quick to second guess myself and begin to hold myself to the highest of standards once I have achieved something great. This has been something that has defined me since I was a little kid. I have always been the one to be very humble and to want to get corrected or coached on things that I can improve on instead of praised for what I do well. This has its benefits and I believe is a very strong trait of mine. The downside is that I tend to overlook my strengths and areas that separate me from others and instead tend to focus on my pitfalls and beat myself up over them. I feel that it is very valuable to be able to accurately assess ones abilities and skills, but I need to be able take credit for things that I have accomplished and be comfortable doing so. I have never been comfortable accepting compliments and not sure If I ever will. This is all coming up because I have a very important interview this weekend and i am once again second guessing my purpose of going. My GF asked me the simple preparation question "why should we choose you over the other candidates". I immediately felt my heart rate increase and blood rush to my face. I ended up blurting out an answer to her, that was good, but overall was generic and did not accurately reflect why I am better than the other candidates. I feel as though this is because I have not been one to gloat about myself and instead I prefer to let my performances do the talking, but there comes a time where I need to be confident enough and selfish enough to be able to explain why I am better than the person next to me and what I do have to offer to the company. I feel that my ability to thrive in a team environment and be able to find ways to motivate those around me in order for them to reach there full potential is something that sets me apart. I am the kind of person that wants to personally succeed, but I truly want those around me to be successful as well and help them push themselves to their limit in order to attain their highest potential. But, is that enough to get me the position I want? I know I have more to offer than that and I have a few more days to think about it and prepare for the interview. We will see what happens. The trials and tribulations of a person who is confident on the outside, but secretly is insecure on the inside.

Just listen ...

I have finally mustered up enough courage to just listen to what my body is telling me and I have been pursuing a girl that made an impression on me the first time I met her. When we first met things were good and I thought that I may have a girlfriend in the near future. I was wrong. I got wet feet and let some other opinions kind of stray me away from what I really wanted. I even talked myself out of the whole situation as well, telling myself that I am too young to be going after one girl, blah blah blah. Before I knew it the fling was over and was left on the side of the road like a corpse who's organs would soon find a new recipient body. The relationship stayed on the side of the road for 2 and half semesters. My dad said something to me recently that really hit home, he said " If you keep looking for the girl that is perfect and has nothing wrong with her, you will be looking forever. No matter what girl you get settled down with she will have some problems with the her, the trick is finding out if you can live with her shortcomings instead of focusing on living with her positives". Slowly over time i realized that I messed up and I couldn't stop thinking about this girl.  Finally it clicked, why not try for her? How can I not at least put the effort in and see where things go? So here I am, finally putting in work without any expectations. As of now things are looking good and I am happy with the situation I am in. Hopefully things continue and something greater comes to fruition.

Family Advice

Grandma and Grandpa McCluskey are still giving me advice on proper to ways to live even into their 80's. Some of it is strictly religion based while most of it is just great advice. A reoccurring theme from Grandpa is hard work, motivation, leadership, morality, and honesty.  Each one of these characteristics all have one end result in common. That is success. He is a very successful man and has accomplished a great deal throughout his life so listening to him can lead me down the right path. Over the last couple years I have realized just how lucky I am to have had him and my grandma in my life. Unfortunately he is getting older with a variety of health problems so sooner rather than later he will no longer be around. I will never know which phone call will be last time i hear from him ever again. When the day comes that he is no longer on this earth it is my responsibility to take the advice that he has passed on to me and implement it into my life. Every time i talk to him and see him he is always trying to rely important information that he has witnessed and learned throughout his life which i find extremely valuable. I am the kind of person that utilizes all of the advantages presented to me in order to improve myself and taking away the life lesson from my grandpa's advice is one example of that. Thank you grandpa I love you and when your are gone you will never be forgotten, I am proud to be a McCluskey!

Attaining Nirvana

Today I successfully scaled my first 14er of Colorado, Mount Bierstadt. The official elevation is 14,060 feet. Definitely not the highest 14er out there, but a great hike none the less, and an even better view at the summit! The day got started at 3 am in the morning so we could be at the trail head at Guanella Pass by 5:30 AM. I laid out everything i was going to pack for the hike the night before which made the morning not so hectic, and erased the possibility of forgetting something important! Myself, Julie Reagan, and John Klaphke met at Safeway at 4:15 and picked up Free Mondello by 4:40. We arrived at the trail head by around 5:45 so just on time. The sun was just on the verge of coming over the mountains when we arrived, the view was stunning. We waited for Ryan McFadden and his buddy Jack and started the hike at 6 A.M. The first part of the hike has a very good warm-up for the hike to come. The beginning is relatively flat so it gives your body time to wake up and get warm to make the accent. We made it to the summit in about 2 hours and 45 minutes. The last 200 feet were a scramble with big boulders, still a very easy section of the climb. As far as the altitude goes my body remained relatively unaffected except when we reached an elevation of approximately 12,500 feet. At that point I was in the middle of convo and couldn't remember what the hell we were talking about or what i had just said moments before, definitely an effect of the altitude. Once we continued the altitude never affected me, very surprising. I was expecting to be out of breath every couple of feet near the summit, but that was never the case. I would get a little winded after a couple strong moves over and around the big boulders near the summit but that feeling was something I have felt at much lower altitudes. Over our stay at the summit we met some really cool people up there. A couple from chicago, a local 60 year old hippy from the Denver area, and another couple from the Denver area in which the guy had previously hiked a 20,000 foot summit in equador. The views on the summit were impeccable. You could see out hundreds of miles in all directions, and on all sides you could see hundreds of other Colorado peaks all around. The weather was great, the air was crisp, the feeling was nirvana. We planned on crossing the Sawtooth saddle in order to reach the summit of Evans as well, but once at the summit we were not a hundred percent confident of the route and part of the group was not interested to we decided to call it a day. We started the descent and after about an hour of slowly making our way down, i got bored. I decided the only way to cure that was to run the rest of the way down, turned out to be a great idea. I made it down to the bottom with a total hike time of 5 hours and 5 minutes. The run really caped the workout and satisfied my need to get a full workout in. I don't know what it is about hiking but the feeling that i get when i reach the summit of my trail totally consumes me. The result is complete happiness and satisfaction. I only achieve that feeling when I am standing on top of a mountain, definitely a healthy way to attain my happiness. The outdoors provide me with a relatively inexpensive way to achieve solidarity and state of pure satisfaction! I will definitely return to that hike in the future and cross the sawtooth on over to Mount Evans!

Purchases made for the hike:

Cloud walker camelbak- 2 Liter reservoir- 64.99. Worth every penny at the moment.

Pair of hiking socks- No blisters, breathable socks, stayed dry. satisfied- probably not worth the money

Items Packed:

2 cliff bars: Only one consumed

3 GU energy Gels: 2 Consumed (start of hike and at the summit)

2 turkey sandwiches: First one consumed at summit, not to bad. Second consumed at bottom, terrible. Never going to make a sandwhich with lunch meat again unless i can keep it cool. Advice from free, make a peanut butter and honey sandwhich.

2 Liters of water- Consumed

2 extra water bottles- Unopened

32 oz. Gatorade- Not fully consumed, but still vital!

Gloves-Used momentarily

Rain Coat-Never used, always needs to be packed though

Sweat pants- not used, debatable

Sunglasses- useful
Toilet Paper- mandatory

Items to be packed next time:
Water less hand sanitizer

Overall mostly everything that i packed was absolutely necessary considering we were planning on crossing over to Mount Evans. Since we decided not to my resources were plentiful, but i feel as though would have been sufficient if we decided to continue on to Mount Evans. If only going to one summit of a 14er a Gatorade and my camelbak bladder are the only liquids required. Great experience, will continue to climb and hopefully gain some skills to where a class 3 is not even questionable, but i feel as though i could easily get through a class 3 right now as it is. The question will be if i want to take the next step and learn how to use ropes and caribeaners in order to hike up class 4 and class 5 routes. Not likely, but who knows! Great group to hike with, each person has a different personality from completely different backgrounds which makes for uniqueness instead of dull conversation. 

Accepted

So it has been around 4 months since my last entry and a lot has happened since then. First and foremost I completed the interviews at both the University of Utah and Regis University. I was very nervous for my interview at the University of Utah because it was my first interview for grad school, and my future depended on how i performed in the interview. If you refer to my post titled "Industriousness" you will know that I am a firm believer that if you put in the hard work and prepare yourself as much as possible then good things will happen, not by luck, but because you deserve it. So with that said, prior to my Interview at the University of Utah I was putting in work. I was constantly going to their website to research about the specifics of the physical therapy program and the school in general so i could be familiar with the strengths of the University and be able to come up with answers as to why I wanted to attend there (because that is a obvious question that will be asked). Additionally, I am very lucky to have a very supportive family/friends. Knowing that I was stressing out about these interviews each one of my closest family members reached out to help in there own way. My sister came through the most for me. She took it upon herself to meet me at the library twice before the interview to play the role as the interviewer. We printed off a sheet that had the typical questions that are asked at a graduate school interview and practiced them. What that did for me was tremendous. I was able to hear the questions and more importantly be able to provide an answer out loud so I could hear it myself and also get feedback from my sister. Definitely the most valuable effort spent in my preparation. Thanks again Marnie. My mother also helped in a similar way. Since I am living with my mother she was constantly hearing my concerns about the interview, my thoughts on the whole Physical Therapy field, my reasons why I wanted to be a PT etc. Being a mom she would do her part, and just listen. This is something that only moms can do so well, and by her listening she was able to provide me with valuable self confidence and help with specific worries I had. Thanks mom. My dad and step-mom didn't fall short in their importance either. They have both been a part of insurance there entire adult life and my father is also a very successful project manager. Together they were both able to inform me about the downsides of the Physical Therapy field through an insurance point of view (which was asked about in  both interviews by the way). By giving me real life examples of the troubles a physical therapist has when dealing with people of certain motives depending on their insurance and workers comp benefits I was able to answer the more difficult interview questions with more then just a complete bull shit answer, more like a 50% bull shit answer. At the end of the day all I needed was to be able to provide an answer showing that I was aware of the downsides of the field. Thank you Dad and Marlene. I almost forget to mention my friends and co workers, that also provided me with valuable information and insight whenever I asked for it. Thank you friends and co workers.

Eventually I got acceptance letters from both schools and thus the hardest decision of my life thus far needed to be made. Which school to go to? They are both ranked in the top 30 schools in the entire country. Each school will give me more then adequate skills to be a successful therapist, but which school is the perfect fit for me? This is the question that led to about two weeks of sleepless nights, irritability, and deep thought. For those of you that were around me at this time you know all of this too well. In the end I decided to attend Regis University. Well two days earlier I was 100% sure that I was going to the University of Utah. Another example of the indecisiveness i had at this point. I realized that the only reason I wanted to go to the University of Utah is because it was cheaper.  Not a good enough reason. Regis is by far the better fit for me and i realized that after i acknowledged the fact that Utah was only in consideration because of the money issue. I do not want to make money be my driving force for any decision in the future so i decided to start now and chose life over money. Denver, among many other things, will provide me with my own Independence, which is something I personally can't put a price tag on. Anyways, I will begin school in Late August and be moving to Denver around mid-august. Until then I will try to relax and take advantage of my free time as much as possible before I dive back into the books.

"You are not the only person with good ideas. If you want to be heard, listen. Always seek to find the best way rather than insisting on your own way", a random quote from John Wooden that i found interesting.

Patient/Doctor relationship

I have been trying to put what I have been learning at my job down on this blog ever since I started. I have failed and have only been able to mention what it is that i am getting out of my intern once.  So finally I can put something else down that I feel is necessary for me to remember in order for me to have any chance of being a good therapist down the road. No homo, I was watching Good Will Hunting tonight and there is a part where Robin Williams is in the middle of teaching a class about how to be a good psychologist.  During the short dialogue of this scene he poses the question "Why is trust the most important thing between the patient and therapist". One of his students replies " because trust is life" or something like that. So I paused the movie and thought about the question myself and tried to relate it to the relationship between a Physical Therapist and his patient(s). In my head I replay the question "Why is trust the most important thing between the patient and therapist?". Since I was playing the movie on my laptop I couldn't open up my blog to brainstorm and record my answer to that very simplistic but insightful question, so i grabbed the closest piece of paper next to me and found a pen on the floor and began rambling.
What i ended up coming up with for the answer is that without trust then there is now way that the patient will be willing to do what you tell them to. The patient needs to know that without a doubt that you have their best interest in mind and that you are the person that can get them healthy again. If you fail to build trust with your patient i feel that it is highly probable that they will not finish there rehabilitation regimen, and at that point the only person that is losing out is the patient. As a therapist your whole goal is to keep your patient motivated so they continue to work towards completion of their program, no matter how long it takes.  So it is vital that throughout their program you prove to your patient that you are dedicated in getting them to their end goal. Thus building trust.

I have noticed this at Silverado.  What i mean is that I have noticed how much trust affects the motivation and quality of the rehabilitation. For example, there are a couple of patients that i work with daily that have slight cases of dementia. They are mostly there but it seems that at least once a day they are confused on who I am and what they are doing in our clinic.  Once they are in this confused state they immediately stop what they were doing and ultimately "quit" the rehab program at that moment. The patient will then look up at me and ask me in a variety of ways, "What am I doing here?" or "Who are you (referring to me), and why are you having me do this". At that moment it is clear that as a result of there dementia they do not have any trust in their surroundings let alone me, and have thus questioned there routine and most importantly they do not trust that I am there to help them.  What I have to do is tell them exactly where they are, remind them that they have had a hip replacement and that I am working with them so they can get back to walking and ultimately go back home to their lives. Once I reestablish that trust between the patient and I the results are off the charts.  Well until they relapse into their blank mind again, but nonetheless while they remember and know what my goal is for them they are more then willing to comply with my direction for them.

I don't know why it took the question that Robin Williams posed in the movie to realize that trust is vital for success in the health care world, but better late than never.

Industriousness

Industriousness is commonly known as hard work.  Some people never really know or understand what this word means or entails. Those people are the ones pointing the finger at external objects to blame for what they have not accomplished. The true key to life is industriousness. There is no substitute for a person who is willing to go the extra mile, plan harder, study longer, stay later at work, etc. I was recently talking with some close friends and family and we came across the topic of what it takes to do well in school. After some talking back and forth the common denomator between all of us happened to be, hard work. For example, if a student ends up graduating with a 4.0 some might automatically assume that he is just naturally smart, or if a high school basketball player turns pro, that he is just naturally talented. I do not agree with this way of thinking at all. I mean you can't deny that someone who gets a 4.0 or a basketball player that turns pro from high school does have some god given talents, but what most people fail to recognize is what is internal to that individual. The student who graduates with a 4.0 is not only a smart person,  but they are also the person who is putting in the time outside of the classroom in order to succeed in the classroom.  They are focusing on the small intangibles that no one sees, all anyone sees is the A on the report card.  Not the many hours spent in the library studying while others are out partying and leaving there homework for another day, and then another day, etc. Comparingly, no one ever gives credit to the incredible athlete for his work inside the gym when no one is around to witness it. Do you really think that Lebron James, Kevin Garnett, Kobe Bryant, and pretty much the entire NBA made it where they are just by there god given talent or by practicing whenever the team was practicing.  The answer is hell no.  Which brings me to a John Wooden quote that reads, "“There is no sub­sti­tute for work. Worth­while things come from hard work and care­ful plan­ning,”. Don't ever take the hard work required to succeed for granted, because if you do you will have no chance!


As you know my goal is compile my own version of the pyramid of success with actions in my own life.  I am not doing this as a way to boast about me or to predict that I will be successful, but my hope is that by the time that i have completed the pyramid no matter how many years down the road that I will finally be successful, which is once again defined as "the peace of mind that is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming".


So with out further adew, everything I have participated in throughout my life I have always applied myself to my best abilities. I didn't always win the "Big Game", but no matter what I always put in the work.  Whether it was in school, sport, social life, work etc, I have not sacrificed the importance of hard work.  As a result, I have accomplished a lot thus far.  And to be honest, I expect nothing but the best for my work in any situation which is what drives me to continue to work hard to achieve my goals.  Recently my hard work has paid off once again. Today I received an email from Regis University inviting me to participate in the one-on-one interview with the faculty at the University for the Doctorate of Physical Therapy Program. Now this does not mean that I am accepted by any means, but it is the next step. I would not even be in this situation if i didn't stay focused on my end goal and grind it out till the end. I mean the application alone took me over 5 months to compile together before i submitted it. There were times where I thought about not even turning in my application because I was scared about not getting accepted. In the end i said fuck it and completed the app and turned it in. As a result I am now in a position to start grad school in May of 2011 to pursue my goal of becoming a Physical Therapist. The next step is to stay the course and prepare myself as much as possible before the interview so I can have the best possibility to get accepted. And that is exactly what I will do.


In conclusion, if there is something that you want to achieve, whether it is to be the best damn garbage man in the country or to become the next President of the United States, don't overlook the journey to get there. Buckle down and be willing to work harder than the person next to you to prepare you as much possible so when you get the chance to shine you are ready. One more thing, don't let the negativity of peers steer you away from what you want to accomplish, it isn't their life, so just do you!


Suggested Readings:  Wooden: A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections on and Off the Court